Tag: life with ADHD

Having ADHD is hard on your self image. In raising my own children kind words were the order of the day. My grandfather was Benjamin Harrison Gadd, he was born in 1889 in North Carolina. I am told he had an adage for every situation. My mother left home with a few of them in her pocket. One was often heard in my childhood home and my children’s childhood home too. It was simply, “If you can’t say anything kind, don’t say anything at all.” Now that my grandchildren are growing up and society in general has become more diabolic. I find that our meaning behind our kind words needs to be checked.

Let me set this up for us. I have a granddaughter who is 9 and in 4th grade. She has ADHD and takes medication to help her focus. She is not especially big for her age, but is not petite either. She is trim. Now she is hearing remarks about her size at school. All children are perceptive. All children are looking for approval, they are constantly measuring themselves by our words. Children with ADHD have the added burden of hearing bad remarks on repeat in their minds.

So, my granddaughter is walking back to class, as she was told to do, when a school employee stops her. The employee tells my gd she is going the wrong way, that the 4th grade classes are down this way. Yes, my gd says, I am in 4th grade, this is my teacher, this is my room number. Oh, okay, the employee says. As my gd walks away she hears the employee say “she’s too small to be in 4th grade”. My gd carried this remark all day and told her mother about it that night.

There is nothing inherently unkind with the conversation. But let’s pause and listen to ourselves from the other persons perspective. We might need to do some deep searching, some hard praying to get to the bottom of our motives. A revival of spirit and soul may be our reward. If nothing else happens let us collectively resolve that we will not talk about children’s size, looks, or even eye color anymore! We will say “that top looks good on you.” “Your new haircut is very chic.” ” Your ponytail is becoming.” Let’s give true compliments.

Paul wrote to the Ephesians to only use uplifting, edifying words. Words that would encourage and carry grace to the hearer. He advises that we leave behind bitterness, wrath, anger, tumult, evil speaking, and anything said with malice. And be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you. Read it for yourself in Ephesians 4: 29-32. Paul even says that choosing not to use kind, edifying words of grace would quench (dry up) the Holy Spirit. Dear Reader, our words are a serious matter in the courts of heaven.

Let’s pray.

Dear Heavenly Father, we bless You for giving up Your Son to die for our sin. Your love is so vast, so expansive, Lord. We would be lost without You. So, we simply say Thank You! O Lord, make us mindful of our words. Give us a heart of love toward one another. As we read Your Word flood our spirit with Your love. Give us ears to hear our own words, to measure them against Yours. Guide us through this day, help us to speak words of kindness, comfort, and encouragement. In Jesus name, Amen.