Welcome to Fresh Mercy Every Morning

Category: Home Life with ADHD

What is there to say. It might get a little hairy from time to time. but that’s okay. It all comes back to love.

  • How to be organized…

    How to be organized…

    It’s a huge topic so, let’s narrow down to…hmm…how do I put this? Let’s start at the beginning. I have always been an organizing type of person. As a small child I received my first box of small crayons, it was a box of 8 regular size crayons. I was 4 or 5 years old. I had to have my crayons in order. So, I ask for each family members favorite color and lined my crayons up by the importance of each member. Green for Dad, yellow for Mom, blue & red, orange & purple, brown & black. And my box of crayons stayed that way for 3 years. Now looking back, I wonder if I wasn’t trying to exert some control of my situation. I was the youngest of 5 girls. They were always talking or arguing. Ages ran by 2’s then 5’s, when I was born there was a 14, 12, 10, and 5 year old in the home.

    Fast forward, today I am married to a man with ADHD, 37 years! He does not plan. To plan is to fight his entire mind and the way it works. However, I plan, for both our sanities’. But especially mine. My mind does not work as quickly as his does. Mine is not as creative as his is. If I had no plan, I would never do anything. Whereas, he has no plan and is always working on some project or another. So, I plan just so I can keep up with him!

    Do you want to slow the speed of life?

    I have not always been a big planner. When the children were small there was no time to properly plan. Every day started at a run. I relied on routines and a mandatory nap time. It wasn’t until I began homeschooling the youngest that I saw the need for planning. And then again when the older ones joined the U.S. Navy, I saw the need to plan my days if I was going to accomplish anything.

    In the past 5 years I have collected a slew of free planners, read a few books on planning your day, week, month, life. And, I have learned how to use Canva! So, I create my own planners. I don’t buy planners. I never stick with one planner all year. Seasons come and go; interruptions are part of life. I may be called away from home and my home planner becomes obsolete. I print my planner month by month. And slowly I am working out what works best for me.

    My point in all this rambling is that creating a plan for our daily lives may be the first step in learning to be organized. Any thoughts you’d like to share?

  • Planning the month as the Non-ADHD Spouse

    Planning the month as the Non-ADHD Spouse

    At the beginning, or the end, of each month I do a precursory plan for the month ahead. I simply add birthdays, business deadlines, and holidays we celebrate on a monthly calendar page I create on Canva. And this page becomes the cover of my planner binder.

    Planning with ADHD is very hard. It’s hard to nail down those thoughts. Or sort them out from all the others racing around. We rely a lot more on routines and habits than plans. My goal with the monthly calendar is to remind me of what’s ahead, so I don’t forget something important. Like a sister’s birthday! This is a bigger chore for me than them since I am the youngest.

    No year planning

    I don’t go into planning my year either. For the same reasons, ADHD. One year I tried to plan by the quarters. So, I said to Mr. Wonderful, “we have a cool weather quarter here, what do we want to get done?” So, we brainstormed and came up with a page long list of tasks and projects. And we picked the most urgent & important item on the list and dug in. Three months later we were still working on that one project. Mind you, we took it as far as we could. But that was all we got done. After 3 months, it was discouraging not see more of our tasks checked off the list. It’s important to realize that ADHD people fight discouragement. And, after all, a task list that doesn’t move is not a good thing for any of us.

    Life is hard, be real, show grace.

    Time for grace and mercy. I am only one woman, he one man. We have limits, are battle weary. We demand a day of rest, maybe two. Weekly, preferred.

    So, when it comes to monthly & yearly planning, do whatever is going to help you. If making grand goals is your jam, do it. But if it gives you a headache, leave it off.

    Extend grace to others

    As the spouse without ADHD, I do the planning in my family. The planning reminds me of what we need to do. Then I bring it to Mr. Wonderful’s attention. After that we decide how we will get it done.

    I do not ask Mr. Wonderful to sit down and plan with me. And Mr. Wonderful relies on me to keep him in good standing.

    Why I don’t plan way ahead.

    Things change quickly when you live with ADHD. But as a Christian, I find it works much better to plan my months gently and plan my days after spending time with my LORD. Matthew 6: 34, LITV, says “Then do not be anxious for tomorrow. For the morrow will be anxious of itself. Sufficient to each day is its own trouble.”

    I hear take life one day at a time, get all you can out of that one day. Go to bed sufficiently tired. Rest soundly. So, you can rise, ready to take on another day.

  • Kind Words Matter

    Kind Words Matter

    Having ADHD is hard on your self image. In raising my own children kind words were the order of the day. My grandfather was Benjamin Harrison Gadd, he was born in 1889 in North Carolina. I am told he had an adage for every situation. My mother left home with a few of them in her pocket. One was often heard in my childhood home and my children’s childhood home too. It was simply, “If you can’t say anything kind, don’t say anything at all.” Now that my grandchildren are growing up and society in general has become more diabolic. I find that our meaning behind our kind words needs to be checked.

    Let me set this up for us. I have a granddaughter who is 9 and in 4th grade. She has ADHD and takes medication to help her focus. She is not especially big for her age, but is not petite either. She is trim. Now she is hearing remarks about her size at school. All children are perceptive. All children are looking for approval, they are constantly measuring themselves by our words. Children with ADHD have the added burden of hearing bad remarks on repeat in their minds.

    So, my granddaughter is walking back to class, as she was told to do, when a school employee stops her. The employee tells my gd she is going the wrong way, that the 4th grade classes are down this way. Yes, my gd says, I am in 4th grade, this is my teacher, this is my room number. Oh, okay, the employee says. As my gd walks away she hears the employee say “she’s too small to be in 4th grade”. My gd carried this remark all day and told her mother about it that night.

    There is nothing inherently unkind with the conversation. But let’s pause and listen to ourselves from the other persons perspective. We might need to do some deep searching, some hard praying to get to the bottom of our motives. A revival of spirit and soul may be our reward. If nothing else happens let us collectively resolve that we will not talk about children’s size, looks, or even eye color anymore! We will say “that top looks good on you.” “Your new haircut is very chic.” ” Your ponytail is becoming.” Let’s give true compliments.

    Paul wrote to the Ephesians to only use uplifting, edifying words. Words that would encourage and carry grace to the hearer. He advises that we leave behind bitterness, wrath, anger, tumult, evil speaking, and anything said with malice. And be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake has forgiven you. Read it for yourself in Ephesians 4: 29-32. Paul even says that choosing not to use kind, edifying words of grace would quench (dry up) the Holy Spirit. Dear Reader, our words are a serious matter in the courts of heaven.

    Let’s pray.

    Dear Heavenly Father, we bless You for giving up Your Son to die for our sin. Your love is so vast, so expansive, Lord. We would be lost without You. So, we simply say Thank You! O Lord, make us mindful of our words. Give us a heart of love toward one another. As we read Your Word flood our spirit with Your love. Give us ears to hear our own words, to measure them against Yours. Guide us through this day, help us to speak words of kindness, comfort, and encouragement. In Jesus name, Amen.